07.02.08
Posted in Life at 2:56 am by Bily Xiao
The glory of God is man fully alive. - St. Irenaeus
That’s pretty awesome, ‘cuz I wanna be fully alive, anyway. There’s a certain simultaneity to it. I’ve found that I feel most alive when I am experiencing God. It’s different from other instances or periods of happiness. It’s more than the joys of human relationship, even the romantic ones. It’s an utter satisfaction.
The concept of Christian Hedonism which I first read about couple years ago captures it nicely.
God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. - John Piper
I wanna be fully alive. Fully awake. Fully aware. Consciousness heightened. Senses primed. I want to breathe life in deeply and savor it. To enjoy every last bit of the living experience. God created us to, after all.
The quintessential key to being fully alive is freedom.
The quintessential key to freedom is life in Christ.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. - Galatians 5:1a
Amidst all the trials of the years I have felt the undercurrent of freedom and hope carry through. When times are clear, the coursing current shoots up to such an ineffable experience of joy, making me to appreciate and delight in the simplest of things, being fully alive.
At the end of the day, while there are mathematical uncertainties to my faith, at least that much is to me undeniable. ( And there’s a lot more =D )
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On a side note: To be fully alive–It’s also why I wouldn’t wanna take drugs and dislike getting drunk. Just numbs me to a hazy second world, away from the real life I want to live every second of. Neither would I want to watch too much TV as I used to when I was a kid; nor read too much; nor think too much. It’s all good n all, but life is waiting to be lived =D
freedom
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12.15.07
Posted in Life at 6:49 pm by Bily Xiao
Knock knock knock.
Two girls. They showed up at my apartment today. They were making rounds fundraising for school. Soon to graduate, they want to study at a state university but face financial difficulties. They are part of low income families. As students with 3.4+ GPA wanting to attend a state university, there was a program for them to obtain a $10,000 scholarship, if only they could get a certain number of people to sign up to a local newspaper free 30-day trial. Before they explained much more, I told them how I would like to help if I could, but had to turn down the offer–I’d be leaving the Valley within a week and wouldn’t be around. They asked if I could support by way of donation. I hesitated and stuttered for a moment, but decided I would, returning a moment later with some cash. They accepted it gratefully, smiled, and turned to leave. As I closed the door to resume my day I felt a strong desire to help them. But I really didn’t know how…
Knock knock knock, again.
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11.17.07
Posted in Life at 7:52 pm by Bily Xiao
What beauty there is in the world. The Lord gives me such joy, simply looking around me, sitting here at Central Park of Santa Clara. Such beauty there is in the delicate stance of the geese. They stand in a row, on one foot, cleaning themselves. It is a curious sight from where I am–kneeling and watching but a meter away–to see the occassional and so-human teetering and constant re-balancing through their knees. I thought only people were creatures of such struggle. But even the highly evolved and created animals of our world–put through the rigors of natural selection and despite all its adaptations: they are not perfect. And yet… it is so perfect… There is such an ease and wholesome perfection to the way things are.
I’ve sat at the park pond for a while and have been filled with so many thoughts I regret not having brought my long-untouched journal to write in. It would have felt so peaceful to capture all the precious thoughts God had given me in those moments in my personal life storybook. But I settle now this online blog (also long untouched). And this way there is the benefit of having it be accessible by virtually anyone. If anything I wish I could share the depth of this experience now with everyone. But though it is online, I will try now to write exactly as I think. Not to an audience. That has always felt rather forced. Calling upon unnatural effort.
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